Another Way
    Even as I broadcast my interest in all things spiritual to the known world (I now have Facebook fans in 17 countries -- welcome Ethiopia!) there's this little matter of coming out.
    You see, while I've attracted like-minded people from everywhere, and a few, who frankly were a long shot to like or care about what I was writing, I've yet to tell a host of my creations.
    That would include friends, relatives, acquaintances and business colleagues who haven't experienced this aspect of me. (On the other hand, there are also a few old friends who have seen me go through one of these "spiritual things" before and are just waiting for me to snap out of it.)
    One reason I launched this blog was because I was moved to speak freely about who I am and what I am experiencing. It's that important to me to speak that truth to at least a selected few.
    But I still feel I'm living a double life. Hell, how about a quadruple life? There are many (as I judge them) less than spiritual aspects of me that people know, so many different Anthonys and Tonys running around in parallel universes --the cynical journalist, the sports fanatic, the self-absorbed prick, the frivolous serial dater, the whiny victim of everything, the party animal, the uptight control freak. Sybil has nothing on me. But where once I was very comfortable living out these roles in my hologram -- to the point of misery in some cases --  I've become weary and ready to shed them.
    That leaves me in a strange place. I don't feel any serious need to tell the uninitiated about my quest for peace, wholeness and abundance. My hologram and their hologram will plug along with no discernible difference as far as I know, whether I tell them or not.
    Yet, I feel sometimes as if I'm hiding some dark secret and when certain people find out, oh, the consequences, the embarrassment, the reflections of incredulity, ridicule or just plain shock. I don't want to have to explain myself -- except maybe on this blog.
    Now, the chances are equally good that I will receive acceptance and encouragement, maybe even from others who have been hiding their spirituality in the closet. That's cool. So I will remain neutral and curious about what is going to manifest.
    In the meantime, I'll just keep doing the Busting Loose process.  
    As those of you who jumped ahead a few paragraphs ago know, this discomfort is rooted in my discomfort with my spiritual pursuits. At some level, I'm still unsure of what I'm doing with this strange new practice and that's reflected back to me. I'm still not sure I accept that part of me that seeks the peace of God.
    I suppose that living the first 52 years of my life somewhat out of balance and integrity may be why I am where I am now. Perhaps it is residue from my guilt-inducing Catholic upbringing, a level of cynicism engendered by working in the news business for 25 years, my disdain for preachy "born again" Christians, my disappointment in previous spiritual practices, even feelings that I'm setting myself up for a fall again.
    (I've also wanted to avoid being too "confessional" about this, hence the light-hearted tone to much of what I write. I was abruptly reminded of this a couple of months ago while informing my son of how Busting Loose had changed the way I am experiencing relationship and shedding the victim mentality.
    He basically answered "Dad, that's good. I've heard about your girlfriends for 15 years. If I never have to hear about them again, that would be great.")
    I know I have had judgments about certain things, even when I was in the midst of a practice. For instance, I was asked once to write a story for the paper on a woman who telepathically communicated with dogs. I had to draw the line somewhere. I had written about some woo woo things in my career, but this was my limit. I was certain of public humiliation if I wrote about this.  
    I make fun of certain other practices that have become commonplace in the New Age. I won't mention which because it's likely that many of you might enjoy these practices and find some benefit. But even as I was searching for truth, I was judging the path that others were taking, and by inference, judging myself.
    I get that as I do the Process, these doubts are likely to drop away. I get than on an intellectual level.
    But at some point, I must answer one question. Is my decision to live my life another, more authentic way, more important than keeping up the facade that has served me in Phase 1?
    The answer is obvious, the faith to take the leap, not so obvious.
    Perhaps it is enough to find a partner and a small group of friends that I am comfortable with. Perhaps not. I guess I will find out as life rolls on.
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8/9/2009 09:49:26 pm


I've had the same experience. On the whole, I've been very skiddish towards telling people about the BL process. This is odd, since I used to be downright zealous when it came to preaching the law of attraction or a myraid of other self-help philosophies.

Busting Loose is different though. Since I realize that it's not about me trying to fix my hologram, I feel less and less the need to spread the word and more and more the desire to connect with people who already "get it."

Still when people inquire, I end up totally butchering the explanation of Busting Loose because I don't want to come right out and say "It's not real. It's a hologram. There's no power. All you have to do is realize this." Because I water down this idea so much it ends up seeming probably even more crazy than it would sound if I explained it honestly. Maybe not?

I guess there's still power left for me in the idea that Busting Loose isn't real or that it matters if "others" believe me.

How about you?

8/10/2009 01:07:56 am

I don't have so much problem talking about BL per se, it's more about even broaching the subject of spiritual matters. Some people have simply never seen that side of me. I realize that means that I've never been comfortable revealing that side to people, so again, it's my issue, not theirs. But I have found myself saying things that are totally against what I know to be true, simply to avoid the conversation. In some situations, it would be the right thing to simply say, you know what, "I don't see the world that way" and see what unfolds.

8/10/2009 01:12:14 am

Most people tend to be cynical to the idea of spirituality. They mock those who immerse themselves in it. Like any other area of non or semi-scientific exploration there are kooks to be sure, but there is also a wealth of wisdom and knowledge out there to be revealed to us. Who cares what the snickering critics among us who lump spiritual minded folks with the thin, long-haired, bearded guy holding a "the end is near" sign think? I certainly don't. I look at their lives and it appears that many of them have a shallow sense of fulfillment mainly centered around materialism. And I've seen that peer pressure continues well on into life, there are just different terms for it to erase the juvenile stigma of it. Those concepts and patterns don't cut it for a lot of us. And we owe no apology or excuse for that
I'm still waiting on my book to arrive and hoping it will help me along. Thanks for the great blogs and commentary.

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